Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
