Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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