I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize