he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
