Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
where are my eyebrows?
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