would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
