WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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