oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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