Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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