I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
