Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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