Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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