we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
