chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm just crazy horny about you
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
