The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the day after is always just damage control
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
