Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
