whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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