I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
