Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
