dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
