No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize