Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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