So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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