So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
