Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize