i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
