you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
