Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
