Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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