Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize