belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
