cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Are we still banned from the library?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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