Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
