see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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