Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
