I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
