Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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