he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
