I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
