my sisters under your porch take her home
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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