I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
