So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
