My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
