curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
