areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Hippo gnu deer
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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