So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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