trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
