Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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