true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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