i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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