what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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