He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
