Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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