this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
