yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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