dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
