so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
