i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
