You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
