the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my phone needs a breathalizer
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
