Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
