booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
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