he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Randomize
