I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
