yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Randomize
