Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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